My sister of mine….

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I was 7 when she was born.. Mum called her Dominique, which was a unusual name in the 70’s..  I was so happy to get a sister and used to push her everywhere in her pram, I was a mini mum.. I must have been about 9 years old, it was a usual day, I put her in her pushchair and took her up to the park with was about a quarter of a mile down the road, crazy that I had so much responsibility!  But that’s how it was older children looking after younger children.  We got to the park  on the swings was a girl called Catherine, she also had a little sister, she was being unkind saying, that my sister looked like a boy (she had her hair cut really short) I remember feeling really sad and protective.. We went of to play and I let Dominique out of her pram, it all happened so fast, yet in slow motion, Dominique ran in front of Catherine’s swing, Catherine hit her with such force it broke her leg. My sister landed some distance away I ran over to her, she was covered in blood and not making a sound, I can only describe her as broken like a little rag doll, I got her pram put her in it and ran all the way home.. The fear was my first real experience of terror.   The next bits are a bit of a blur, my mum screaming, someone running up the phone box to call an ambulance. She was in intensive care, then later on a ward she spent weeks in hospital, we used to get the bus there every day, everytime we left she cried her eyes out with pure devastation.  My mum was very quiet during these times.. My sister had  broken bones in her face, she still has the scar above her eye now.

We were close up until she was 7 and I was 14 we had to share a room.. I really did not like her at all, she was beyond annoying, but I still used to do her hair, she has the most amazing hair really thick and when she was little it had streaks of dark blond through it.

When I had my son Chanse at 19, she had to give up her bedroom for me as I had returned home, this was for a whole year, it was all about me but this must have been hard as she had to sleep in my mums room.

As she became a teenager, she used to come around my flat, she became less annoying, but her favourite word was I’m bored..  She would babysit for me, she was 14 years old on my 21st birthday, when me and my friends dressed her up and took her nightclubbing.. She loved it..  She was not like me I was a thinker a worrier, she was much less complex.

Over the next 20 years I had my others sons and she had a daughter.. We were close and spent most of out time together taking the kids on days out, it is thanks to her that I was able to cope as she looked after my boys a lot, later I looked after Her daughter while she worked, we helped each other like families do. Out kids were like sister and brothers rather than cousins.. She really helped me through my divorce, I helped her when she left home to go to her first flat, decorating, helping emotionally, we were there for each other even though we were totally different people we were the same if you know what I mean, it’s a family knowing.

When I got married and the kids were no longer wanting to go on days out, we saw less of each other, but we still didn’t let to much time pass before we spoke or met up, when we did we always got on and said we should do this more..

when our brother got ill last year.. We were both there for him and each other, there’s no way we could of coped without each other. We both loved him so much..

What happened next can only be described as a nightmare, not only did our brother die we fell out we lost each other and our beloved brother all in one week.

I could say she did this, she did that… But  deep down I think the tragedy was that we were both  in shock and it brought out the aggression in her and the sensitive in me.. We went to war, it’s the saddest situation ever,  sometimes the only way to fix is for time to pass, to soften the edges of the nightmare that we both put ourselves and each other through, maybe we had to take it out on each other because of how angry we were that our brother could die so young and in so much distress..

I never thought I would be that person who fell out with my sister, no matter what we would always be there for each other all I can do is hope in time we can find our way back…

 

 

 

Our cute Bedroom….

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Our bedroom has been a work in progress..I wanted a calm space, with soft colours, lots of texture, wool, cotton, natural fabrics, soft lighting with candles & fairy lights…Influenced by hoo ga, hygge living..

I made this gorgeous garland this morning, the fir is from the forest, but honestly any evergreen twig will look gorge, the cards are kept from birthdays (I always buy cards which look cool, so they can be displayed around the house, all year 😉)  some string & pegs, I have little ones, but big wooden ones look cool also..image

once you have collected your bit & bobs you wish to display.. There be no stopping you, your have garlands everywhere ❤️❤️image

Work in progress…

imageWhen I was little my Mum, used to do all her decorating, she would really go to town and I would end up with the prettiest bedrooms..When I was a teenager my room was the standard teenage tip, I also shared it with my sister, who was 7 years younger than me.. She was soooooo annoying, when I was a painfully shy 14 year old, I used to have my friends in, one of them was a boy called Billy, who I really liked, we started going out but kissing stuff was so embarrassing..  On one occasion when he and lots of others were round, she was running around the house,shouting ‘mum Kim’s kissing Billy’ I could of died…

When I moved to my first flat with my son Chanse, it was a council flat in a tower block, I was so upset as my mum used to joke with me and say ‘if your not careful your end up in a council flat’  Anyway I did not stay upset for long as the flat was huge, my mum was straight in first she remodelled the kitchen, she then re decorated the whole flat, I had the most beautiful bedroom, it was the 80’s so it was all matching, beautiful Austrian blinds from Laura Ashley, matching bedding from marks & spencer.. Everytime someone walked in, after a journey up in a dirty lift, then through a filthy corridor, they would gasp in amazement and say.. Wow it looks like a show room in here 😂

I learned so much from my Mum about making the best of whatever situation you find yourself in.. Today I have a wonderful house and I am grateful for it every moment, but if I ended up back where I started, I would still make it lovely ❤️

Mum gave me the knowledge to be able to decorate I have never stopped, I have always got a project on the go.. Our current bedroom had  turned into a bit of a dumping ground/utility room.  So really excited to be making it into a wonderful space.. We have nearly been in our 1930’s house for a year.. We both agree it’s the best house either of us has ever lived in, we quickly painted it all white so we could put everything away, now we are starting to work through each room 🌻

 

My big Bro…

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When Nicholas James Moss was born he was idolised by Mum, it might have been a reputation killer to be an unmarried Mum in the 60’s , fingers up to all the stigma, she did not care because 18 months later she had me, we were her babies and she was keeping us, even if I did have to sleep in a drawer..
Nicholas became Nicky or Nicol to Mum, he was beautiful with wavy thick, blond hair, sparkly blue eyes, I on the other hand had a cowlick,buck teeth, dish water colour eyes and hair!
Girls would befriend me all the time because they fancied him so much.
He was ambitious, cocky, arrogant and very cool
He didn’t go to school and spent big chunks of his childhood travelling around Europe in my Step Dads lorry, who incidently was drunk a lot and often came back with crazy stories and pictures, of near death experiences, with the lorry hanging of mountains! It was crazy but it was the 70’s child welfare was not on the agenda.. Nicky was happy he loved it, he was full of adventure and life. He was going to be rich, he worked hard and had his own window cleaning round at 14..
During his teens, he was a townie, he hung out with all the cool kids of the time, i often saw him stood in town, i was not allowed to talk to him…he was way toooooooo cool. He loved the top rank as we all did, the top rank held so many memories for our generations and the generation before. everyone knew him, I would even name drop my own brother!
He married his childhood sweetheart Dawn, sadly it was not to last, although they both spent their whole lives pining after each other, and where to be great friends right up to the end.
Nicky became Nick, but always Nicky to me. He taught himself to be a car sprayer and Nick’s garage was born, anyone who cared for Nicky often spent hours sat in that dusty garage, smoking, drinking tea and passing the time of day.
Nicky spent 10 years with Lorraine, who sadly is no longer with us, they lived a hectic, bohemian lifestyle, some of my best nights out were spent in their house, you went, in got, drunk, laughed for hours and ate great food! They spent summers in the uk, and winters in Goa, they had a fantastic time, Mum went with the one year and said it was the best holiday she ever had.
later he met Sandie and Her daughter Charlotte, he gave up drink, then his son Georgie the dog was born.. Haha! Whenever you saw Nicky, Georgie was with him, georgie was not always easy to look after and if let of his lead would run away, he just loved to explore and by all accounts was quite road savvy! In the end, if someone called up and said we have your dog, he would say I will just finish spraying this car and I will be there haha! Nicky sat in my garden once, Georgie was. Running round the garden, being a bit hectic, Nicky turned to us deadly serious and said, that dogs ruining my life, it was so funny, it cracks me up even now!
When Mum died, Nicky missed her so much, he was depressed, it’s strange how things go, because they loved each other so much, if Nicky had gone first, that would of killed her, at least this way, she never knew or was waiting for him, whichever you believe..
he spent many an hour with My sister walking Georgie and my mum’s dog Polly, who Dommie adopted. In those dark hours when Nicky was in hospital, Dommie would say, he is not just my brother he is my best friend, we both also said that other the years he looked after us he was like the dad we never had. I also spent time with Charlotte and although she was older when Nicky, met her mum, she told me how much she loved him, Nicky also loved her, she called him Dad which Nicky said was lovely, he looked after her, she told me she didn’t know how she would cope without him. Nicky spent many a happy year with Sandie travelling the world, he was the only person I have ever known to moan about Australia! In the last weeks, Nicky made sure he told us all that he loved us.
Nicky getting ill was a shock to us all, the hospital fought so hard to save him, because they wanted to they got to know him, they did everything, Nicky was so brave and kept fighting he did not want to go, he still had loads to do, it was so heartbreaking, those dark days in the hospital, in the beginning, me, my sister Dom, Sandie and Charlotte and when he went into intensive care me and Dom,  But Nicky was still running the show telling us, the nurse’s what he wanted. we als laughed a lot those few last weeks, Nicky was in good form, considering he was in intensive care,that last day, me and Dom sat either side of the bed and talked about all the old times, it was a magical moment we will never forget, since then so many people have told me how funny Nicky was, he was when he was on form, he could have anyone’s attention and laughter.
although it is devastating for all the people who loved him at different points of his life, he had a wonderful life, full of experiences, adventures, he loved, he was loved, he was a great friend, he travelled the world, He lived his life on his own terms.. I am sooo previlidged that he was my brother ❌❌❌❌image

Stevie Husband…

imageBack in 2010 I had 2 young children, i was going through my divorce, my Beloved Mum had died…

Initially when my marriage ended I felt devastated as I began to heal I found myself again, I had great friends, I was  not doing to badly, I had regained my self esteem and confidence i knew what I wanted..

Mum dying had changed me, her life was full with family, her fab job, but she never found true happiness in a relationship, this made me so sad..  I was determined that would not happen to me, I would change the series of events not just for me, but for Mum xxx

I started dating on my terms and met some lovely people and had lots of fun.. Then came Steve, he was in the background, we used to talk on social media, he lived locally, and we would joke that we would meet up,  he took some convincing! I think he was worried that meeting people from the Internet would lead to being killed with an axe 😂

On that first meeting, I was so nervous, I didn’t need to be because not only did he look beautiful he was.. We drank coffee, laughed a lot, when we were walking back to the car, it was an awkward moment, I didn’t know what to say, so I casually, as you would to a friend ( it was daytime) said ‘I just live up the road do you want to come round?’  To which he replied, ‘I would rather not if that’s ok’  I mumbled a goodbye, and left feeling cringed out by myself and so embarrassed..

He didn’t call for a few days, I thought I had messed things up. Eventually he appeared online, and asked if I wanted to go and see a band 😍 The rest they say is history…

But before I go I just want to say Stevie has properly looked after me and the boys, he’s a wonderful man and husband, he’s a perfect step dad, who has nothing but respect and love for all three of us, and also jokes that he’s Chanse ‘s step dad too, even though he is 29!  He has loved me unconditionally, he lets me follow my dreams, he supports all my often crazy schemes, we have similar tastes, style, priorities, we have a dream life together, he has never shouted at me, he us a true gentleman,  he is cool in every sense of the word, to the films and music he likes, his style, his looks, his hopes and dreams, he is polite and kind, funny, clever, wise, dark humoured, loves, history, architecture, photography, art, he has a zest for life and all new experiences, cycling, sport, cooking,friends, family, he works so hard for us, and has never complained, he took on me and all my past, my boys, without question, he is a man to look up to, he is a Man in every sense of the word.. So yeah Mum, I found true love ❤️

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Halloween…

imageWhen we were kids we never really bothered with Halloween, it was very American.. We were big on bonfire night, Mum used to have a bonfire, we always made a guy Fawkes and did ‘penny for the guy’ then guy would go on top of the bonfire, it was magical, as we held out sparklers, watched the Catherine wheels & rockets, whilst eating hot soup and crispy jacket potatoes… When I had my children, Halloween became more popular, I have tried to have parties most year, because I just love all the prep, and love watching the kids have fun ❤️  We also got married on Halloween in Thailand 😍

I like to be as creative as possible, I love these severed fingers, made out of hotdogs, and so easy to do..

imageAs you can see a very spooky affair ..

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Driftwood Chalet….

image Naish farm, was high on a cliff overlooking Chewton bunny beach.. My Mum would holiday there ever year as a child, years later she bought  static caravan on the park.. She loved it..in time so did I.  We spent every moment there, swimming, making fires, building sand castles we went all year round, Drew & Finn didn’t see season changes, they just changed into wet suits in cold weather, it gave them a fantastic childhood..

When my lovely Mum died, my siblings voted to sell it, I missed it sooooo much.   Years later we were going to have an extension.. One Sunday we were sat at the beach I was thinking of all the lovely memories, I turned to Stevie and said we have to forget the extension, we need to buy a chalet 😍 Lucky for me Stevie believed in my dream… We headed straight to the park and chose a chalet within the hour! We decided on a chalet rather than a caravan because you can make it your own ⚓️ It was soooooooooooo exciting! Dreams can come true ❤️

We ❤️ Our little wooden chalet by the sea

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Drew middle son..

imageDrew is 16 now, he is a wonderful son.. He has always been kind and thoughtful ❤️ He is smart.. He is able to make money, using his own initiative, buying and selling, he is also fiercely independent and can look after himself.  It’s like he has an old head on his shoulders and is always helpful in a crisis as he has good listening skills and great advice.. I tend to over analyse things and he is able to bring reality and calmness to a situation. He is laid back by nature. Although he is a middle child, my older son is 13 years older, so Drew is also the oldest in family dynamics.. He has the traits of a leader, but this is subtle and not always noticeable, it’s there in a knowing way.. He has always had good friends..He  ❤️s fashion and is very cool in his style, he is right up there at the cutting edge of fashion, he follows all the ultra cool lablels,  Palace, supreme.. He loves to skate, and hangs out at Guildhall square which is one of those places that when you were a teen you would want to be but just didn’t feel like you could..  He also has a beautiful, lovely, girlfriend called Lauren 💑 They look cute together and try and hang out as much as possible 🎈  He wants to work in fashion, so may head in that direction after school and college,  could talk for ages about all my sons… So yeah, that’s just a little snap shot of Drew my Middle son….

 

Flea bags..

imageThis unloved window, which I would love to paint, clean and add a garland of hearts to, triggered of a memory of when I was 8 years old.. Just around the corner from us was a big Victorian house, it was filthy, inside lived the Brooks..

Everyone called them the flea bags, which I hated it made me sad for them, especially as Jane was in my class, she was a gentle little thing, like a little broken bird, I would go to their house and try to help tidy up, I would also take Jane to mine and beg my mum to let her have a bath and some clean clothes..

Years later I had a referral at work to do a home visit, a man in his 50’s alcohol dependant, when I knocked the door of his flat, I got ‘doors open, come in’  I felt anxious as I walked towards the lounge, his flat was in disarray, he was sat on the sofa, and just started chatting to me like he had known me for years, I instantly stopped being afraid.. He was the kindest man, if I had to take him for appointments, all boundaries professionalism would go out the door, he had no coordination of his body through years of alcohol abuse, I would literally be pulling up his trousers as we walked along, I could tell his life was coming to the end, he would get hospitalised, I would, beg him to stay in but he would always discharge himself.. He had no other services involved, he was a lot to deal with, but I kept gong, twice a week, we chatted and laughed a lot.. One day I was sat in his flat and his mum walked in.. I recognised her straight away, she was Jane Brook’s  Mum, Ray was a Brook, it all clicked into place.. We then would talk about the shared memories of where we grew up.. Sadly Jane’s life had taken a similar paths to Ray’s.

Ray taught me a lot, I realised that life in all its beauty can also be cruel, as I sat on his dirty floor, and he cried like a baby.. From the moment he was born until the end he had suffered so much.. Ray touched my heart, he was a funny, he was a gentleman I am so hounered to have known him.. In the beginning and the end..

The kindness of strangers..

image.jpegThis is my brother taking it easy in Goa ❤️ He died recently, it’s so hard to say the word..  This morning I posted on Instagram, how sad I was.. I did not expect that loveliness from strangers.. The fact you have taken time out of your day to share your kindness with me has been heart warming.. Thank you so much 💕💕💕